I feel like shit

Ok so tomrrow im being sent home, I landed a project, i got the offer, i got to meet world class actors and rehearse with them, i just know i could learn so much more if i shot with them. I know what I can offer and idk it just feels like defeating.

On monday one of the actors kept talking about the spark, the spark he felt when he started doing this the frustration that comes along with not getting what you were so close to having.

Its so tricky when stuff like this happens in productions, its the nature of the business i guess but other actors have told me similar stories, they got fittings and never shot, or got confimed camera test but didn’t make it, so I'm happy I was part of the project, i got to meet everyone and it was truly just an awesome experience.

I just always go back to what Josh O Connor says, the nature of this work is so intrertwined with who we are as a person.

When things dont go our way it feel personal, and when we win, it was all thanks to ourselves no in between, and it hurts so much. 

But i crave the lonliness, that why i box too, that why acting is the way to go because without it, maybe i wouldnt be able to be alone.