um buffer

 Went to the gym today, good little sunday workout, besides that I've just been chilling. Thinking about my self-tapes and a lot of work I have to get done for the week. 

This next part does have to do with acting but in a different way:

This weekend, was eventful to say the least. As I was surrounded by family, and felt responsibility, to help out, to check up on my family, to be part of this larger group of people. When were kids I feel like we are the product of the family more than a part of it in a way, I felt like a part of it now, I felt like an essential cog in the family circle. Not trying to make it look like my family hasn't given me warmth, love and care, cause of course they have. But now as I grow older I realize, choices I make within my family, people I help, are noticed. Again, not that my actions haven't been noticed before, I get a lot of recognition which I am super appreciative of. But usually I am representing myself, speaking for myself, this weekend I represented my family, and it was such a big feeling, such a big responsibility. But every word I said and every person I had an interaction with were choices, and sometimes I felt doubt for some reason like I'm not the person that's meant to be in charge of this, representing us, imposter syndrome in my family, but its all in my head. 

We can be our worst enemy sometimes, doubting ourselves not only in social interactions, but during performance, GO STRONG BUT WRONG. I'm sure it's been heard a million times in actors' lives but its so true, committing to a choice, regardless of what you think its going to be, just doing at your best is enough to see how much you care. Make big choices, and take those risks on stage because that's when the loveliest work comes out, by exploring every crevice of your toolbox as a performer.